For most of my life, I took pride in all of my ‘giving’. I used to give, give, give and often got praised for it. It made me believe that this was just me being myself, doing what I was ‘supposed to do’. 

But, what I was actually doing without realizing it, was over-giving. Not from love, but from a need. To be liked. To be approved of. To be seen as ‘a good person’. 

I was continuously performing. And that’s where the exhaustion begins… It’s where the seed for burnout is quietly planted.

It was only years later, on my journey to break free from people-pleasing, that I finally saw it clearly:

There are 2 types of giving. 

Unconditional giving and Transactional giving. 

First, there is unconditional giving. This is the kind of giving that comes from love, from abundance. You give because you want to give, regardless of whether it’s received on the other end. 

But the other type of giving is transactional giving. And that’s a whole different story. 

It’s giving that’s tied to an outcome. You give because, deep down, you want something in return. You want them to like you. To approve of you. Or at the very least, not be upset with you. 

And THAT is what people-pleasing really is. 

It’s NOT kindness. It’s a transaction. It’s driven by fear. 

And at its core? It’s an attempt to control how others feel about you. 

I would like to invite you into a little awareness experiment this week. 

Every time you give something (your time, your energy, your attention) pause for a moment and ask yourself:

“Where is my giving coming from?”

Is it from love and abundance?

Are you giving because you genuinely want to, because you have so much to give. Regardless of how it’s received on the other end? 

This is unconditional giving. It feels light and joyful. 

Or… is there something you (subconsciously) expect in return for your giving? Maybe a part of you hopes for appreciation, peace, approval… to be liked?

That’s transactional giving. It’s tied to an outcome. And it’s often more draining than you realize.

Don’t judge yourself. This isn’t about forcing yourself to do it differently.
It’s about being honest. Just noticing can be the start of a shift.

I’d love to hear what you discover. Send me a message at [email protected] and tell me what you noticed, or what surprised you.